Packing the tools for more positive mental health: checking my baggage and leaving it before I hit the airport.
Despite adventures to Vermont, Maryland, Delaware, and more this summer my biggest adventure isn't quite here yet.
In just under a month I leave for Liverpool and while reviewing the (albeit minimal) information I have, a gnawing anxiety crawled up my stomach and tightened my throat. Studying abroad is a once in a lifetime experience that I'm on the cusp of, yet looking in front of me it feels distant and out of reach.
While many students are already abroad attending classes, and as I send off all my friends to return to our own campus of Susquehanna University, I'm only just setting a schedule with my abroad advisors. I feel like times moving slower for me, and as I prep to travel abroad and get more in order I've found that this travel anxiety hasn't faded. Making a list of my uncertainties I tried to outline why I'm so stressed, many of what was there is to be expected: an unfamiliar living situation, new teachers, no friends, the need to manage my own money. Other fears though, spoke to something else: lack of a support system, increased self reliance, and a wavering effort to improve my mental health.
I found that though the unknown is scary, I'm more afraid of what I do know--loneliness, depression, self-hate.
Getting ready to place myself an ocean away from my family and friends, I feared a future of mental anguish as the work I've done to make my mind healthy is tested. I won't have people there who know what I struggle with and can help me. If I see myself buried under an avalanche of stress of my own doing, I can't walk over to my friends to get help calming down from an anxiety attack.
Therefore, my prep to go abroad has been re-calibrated according to this realization. In order to prevent myself from giving in to the negative thoughts I fear will creep in, I'm setting myself up to be healthier than ever. I'm tackling this a few ways.
As my anxiety is often related to my busy schedule, I invested in a new planner. I chose mine, The Passion Planner, due to its unique design to both help me create goals with manageable steps and record and organize the events through my day. With room in the back for me to take notes and create trackers to guide my mental health, Im working on staying organized to reduce stress and making mental health a part of my routine. I'm using the planner now before I go, hoping to make myself accustomed to the ritual of a planner to gather and project my thoughts.
Next, I'm trying to tune in to my body. Watching others leave to go abroad, I've seen those who get really into juicing and lose weight before studying abroad and others who go abroad and come back having lived on a diet of bar peanuts (or the international alternative) and beer. I hope to be conscious of my consumption before I leave. I go through waves of loving and hating my body, this influences skimpy meals and “treat 'yo self” moments unhealthy on both sides of the spectrum. Downloading a fitness app to track my meals and exercise, I hope to build habits that aren't obsessive but mindful. My goal is not to hate myself, if I lose weight in accomplishing that it's great, but I'm prioritizing my mental health through my body. I want to eat what makes me feel happy, energized. I still plan to bar hop and snack on sweets, but as i will be cooking my own meals I want to watch what I buy and eat to live nutritiously, a venture that may be easier outside of America.
Lastly, I'm increasing my efforts of mindfulness. Mindfulness feels like a buzz word, but I hope to find my own meaning of it to practice which resonates with me as valuable and introspective. Though I am not structuring this as others may in the form of daily meditation or regular yoga classes, I hope to encourage grounding. Using my planner and my own mental acuity I hope to practice gratefulness to focus more positively on how I'm experiencing the world. I hope to take this practice through different spaces such as a park or the bus or, yes, even a yoga class to merge it into my routine. Along with that, I have begun to read more books and listen to podcasts which focus on this awareness and the art of mindfulness.
I’m looking forward to my first semester abroad, with just under a month I’m hoping these efforts pay off and leave me having a semester of both growth and fun. Stay tuned here to see how it goes!